The Other 90%

Today I came to a realization...well its been stewing in my head for a while now, but I let it get the best of me today.

I am different than most people, I would say at least 90% of people, maybe more. I don't mean that my likes and dislikes are different, that uniqueness is what makes the world go round. I mean that I think differently than most people.

I used to say that there's no gray in my life, but I have changed it to there's only red, blue and yellow. I don't mix colors well. This is evident by my reluctance to do many things such as use scraps in my quilting, being able to shop at yard sales or even do anything on the spur of the moment. You should see me on vacation...I need everything planned well in advance. In other words I can't color outside the lines and usually stay way inside the lines just to be sure of not crossing that line.  

I think its this that makes me feel afraid of many things. I don't know what would happen if I went over that line. Who would I let down? Would I be safe? Would I be able to recover if I was hurt or g-d forbid live with myself if my actions hurt someone else physically or emotionally.

Realizing this is hard to deal with and is breaking my heart a little. 6 weeks ago I was doing fine, making strides to have friendships with people and now I am becoming a hermit again. Yes the surgery might have helped move that along, but I don't think it's the prime cause. I just feel different. I also don't feel accepted for who I am but It's probably because I am not accepting of others. I have become judgemental, which I know comes off as a 'know it all' sometimes.

Why am I sharing this with you today? I don't really know why. I know I hurt another person who lives in my IPad that was friendly with. But really I would like your advise and understanding on how to handle these feelings. I figure I  am always happy to dish out advise its about time I listen for a change.

Plus tomorrow is the 25th anniversary of my son Eric's passing. It's always such a hard time, but is even harder this year. I'm sure I will post all about him tomorrow.

What friends are for

I have been in a little funk lately. The doc changed some of my meds and I am still getting used to it. I am tired more than normal and for the past 3 days I hardly did any quilting.

I have also been trying to help my friends thru their hard times. One thing I did was start the Friendly Quilt Along. It was just 3 of us who made the first quilt. The reason for the quilt along was to get my 2 friends sewing again. They had both lost their sewing mojo and I knew that they would feel a little better once they started hearing that hum of their machine. And I was right! They are both back on the quilting bandwagon!

I have also tweeted with several people from the quilting world on twitter and told them that they should 'make' themselves sew and that after a few seams they would get their mojo back.

Then today I was chatting with one of my gals and was boohooing that I didn't feel like quilting and guess what...she turned my words on me! "Whats that that you say? After a few seams..." I didn't even let her finish the sentence. I was so excited that she said that. First of all that meant she was listening when I talk, and second it was so nice to have someone show me that I don't always listen to what I preach! And I did just what she said...I sat down and got my squares done! What do you think of them? See my quilting blog (Craizee Corner) for more info on it.

So today was a good day after all. I feel like that with a little help from a friend or 2 I was able to turn my frown upside down! This was a lesson I will not soon forget.

Have you made a friends day or had a friend make you day lately?

Sha :)