You might notice that there is not title for this post, that's because I really don't know what to call it.
What I want to talk about today is what to do when we are unhappy with a situation. Lets start with asking ourselves what our first reaction would be. I was faced with a situation that made me very uncomfortable, a bit jealous (well maybe more than a bit) and mad all at the same time. So I got upset and voiced my opinion way more than I should have. I think that's basically what most people do when faced with these type of feelings. And I don't know about you but I voice my opinion loudly and nasty, which is never constructive.
Fast forward 2 days after the incident and 1 therapist visit later and I came up with a solution to my problem. I'm not going to go into the specifics, that is not the reason for this post. The reason I am sharing this is that coming up with a solution that was a compromise is the best way to handle many situations where feelings might have been hurt.
Think of it this way...
When we get hurt or upset we have several options; Cry, yell at someone, cry some more, give the cold shoulder, cry even more...well you get the general idea. And none of these outcomes leaves anyone feeling happy, which you know is my goal in life.
Then my wonderful therapist asked me what I think I could do fix the situation? (Why didn't I think of that?) So I worked out a compromise to 'my' problem. And I presented it in a non emotional way. So the moral of the story is that even though we may feel like crying, yelling, slamming doors, generally having a pity party, the better move is to ask how to fix it. After all what good does having a pity party do? Does it make us feel better? No. Does it make us more in control? No. So what does it do? It reinforces our negative feelings, which in my book is a big no no.

My challenge to you: next time you feel someone has hurt you try to think of a way to fix it instead of feeling sorry for yourself. It really turned my frown upside down.

Till next time,
Sha :)

You mood is sometimes your choice.

I was just tweeting with some of my quilting friends. We were talking about fake phone calls from people pretending to be the police, firemen or even cancer groups asking for money. Here's what happened to me last week all within a few hours...

I got 3 different phone calls from the same number (but from different people) asking me for a donation for 3 different organizations. On most days by the 3rd phone call I would have been so annoyed and would have been very nasty to the caller. This would only result in my mood changing and not in a good way. After all, do any of us really feel better after we have been nasty to someone? I don't. My heart rate goes up and my heart feels angry (I don't know how to describe it). I get stressed...tense in my shoulders and sometimes I get a headache. And if I am with someone I get even more annoyed when they tell me to 'calm down" (calm is one of my four letter words). Plus I know that I am not ruining the callers day. They are used to the verbal abuse and might even laugh at how many people they can upset. So this time I decided to laugh at them...right to their face and guess what? They had no comeback for that. After a few awkward seconds he just said he was sorry and hung up. So I ask you whose mood was worse after that? It wasn't mine, I got a laugh out of it, and I have to hope that he felt a tiny bit bad for what he was doing or at least stupid.

The reason I am sharing this story is to show you that I had a choice of how I would react to a situation and that by choosing to not allow myself to get upset my mood was not changed in a negative way.

Next time you are starting to feel annoyed at someone try this. You don't have to be as extreme as me and actually laugh at them, but if you pick and choose your arguments then your mood will be less affected. This is especially true with our spouse and children. I remember picking at things they did and at one point I realized that all this negative attention wasn't working. If they can't get positive attention they will do what they need to  to get negative attention, all they want is attention so they get it anyway they can. By picking and choosing my 'fights' I was in a better mood and so were my kids. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I promise it works. Even with my grown children and husband I go by this. Instead of complaining about how he folds the towels, I am just grateful for what he does. This definitely makes me happier, which is better than begin annoyed.

I hope this helps next time you find yourself getting annoyed at little things.

Sha :)

What gets you out of a bad mood?

This past weekend my house was full of kids and their friends. Even though I love having them around, that’s usually a lot of stimulation which makes me feel anxious. This happens every time the house is full (that’s one of the drawbacks of being an empty nester and being home alone during the day) I like my quiet time and get cranky if I don’t get it.

Knowing this, a few weeks ago I was thinking of what gets me out of that kind of mood. You know the kind...no matter what someone says or does it gets on your nerves. Then I remembered back to the therapy group I was in. I had made a playlist of my 'happy' songs and shared it with everyone in the group a copy. These songs ranged from show tunes (Put on a Happy Face) to oldies (Your the inspiration by Chicago, which was also our wedding song) to some modern music. The list was just like me, I like lots of different things and hate being pigeon holed. When I remembered that I immediately made a new Happy playlist and started playing it all the time. And before long I started feeling better. I was singing, and dancing around like a teenager again, plus added with sewing/quilting I was one happy camper.

So what I want you to think about is what makes you happy? What is the one thing that brings a smile to your face? It can be a song, a drawing, taking a hot bath, going for a walk or gardening, anything that makes you smile. Because when we smile it brightens our day.

And I would love to know what songs would be on your Happy playlist.

Sha :)