Have you ever apologized to someone for something you did to hurt their feelings?
Have you ever been on the receiving end of an apology?
I know the answers to these questions are yes for all of us.
When I first began this blog I talked about Giving Ourselves Permission to Make Mistakes
"I make mistakes, a lot. Do you make mistakes? The answer is yes. We all make mistakes, that's how we learn. I choose to think of mistakes as opportunities to grow. Think about it, when you are piecing a quilt and make a mistake the chance of making that mistake again is pretty slim. The same goes for recipes; if you put too much salt in a dish or cook it for too long you learn from that. I remind myself of those mistakes by making a note on the pattern or recipe page. You might be thinking that doesn't apply to everything but it most likely does, even for the big things. And the great thing about mistakes is that almost all the time they can be fixed or humbly apologized for, even if that apology is to ourselves. "
Click here to read the entire post.
But what do we do when some one apologizes to us? I bet quite a few of us don't know how to handle that and even though an apology was made, the bad feelings are still there. This is especially true for those of us that suffer from depression and anxiety. These bad feelings can feel like Anger. On page 12 - 16 you will find a self-awareness exercise dealing with anger. If you haven't done that part of the chapter now is a great time to set aside some time to do it. I find that writing the answers in the book helps me a lot.
I want to leave you with this thought...
To forgive is to give up the right to punish
What does that mean to you? I used to be the type that held onto those bad feelings and let myself wallow in the anger and pain. Once I truly understood this saying I began to understand that if I really forgave someone then I would have to stop punishing them either inwardly or outwardly. Outwardly meant that we could move on from there with no hard feelings. I would not show any anger towards them. But more importantly I would forgive inwardly and let go of those angry and hurt feelings. Remember that you are in control of your thought and feelings so you can decide to stop those feelings.
How are you doing with this chapter? Do you have any thoughts on it? I'd love to hear.
We will work on the Anxiety and Fear portion of the chapter in the next few days.
I find that nine times out of ten when I apologize I am hoping for a "It's O.K.", "It wasn't your fault", or "You have nothing to be sorry for" When someone apologizes to me that is usually what I say because I blame myself more than them.
ReplyDeleteThe whole forgiveness thing is tough for me because there often really are hard feelings left. I prefer to use the word "acceptance" I accept the thing happened and try to move on. I have never understood the "forgive and forget" thing either. It seems to me you either do both or neither.
I am about to tackle the self-awareness exercises - wish me luck.