Be Good to Yourself On Purpose

This is major! 

I had this very long scenario ready to type and decided to keep today's message short and sweet.

Being good to yourself makes you feel good, its simple as that. Think of how you feel after you get a pedicure? Or when you cook a meal just for yourself instead of ordering take out. These are little ways that I am good to myself. These things make me happy, even for a moment and that's what our goal is. After doing a good thing for ourselves we need to realize that we did something good for ourselves. It will help you feel happy, if just in that moment, but a moment of happiness is much better than a moment of sadness.

Sha :)

Each Step is a Victory!

I love this saying! We all need to be reminded of it from time to time. Sometimes we get so caught up in the stuff we have yet to do, that we forget to celebrate the stuff we have already done.

Say you are a quilter and have decided to make a king size quilt using 5" pinwheels. That's a lot of pieces to make into pinwheels, approximately 399 pieces. No matter what, this quilt is going to take a long time to make. From the planning stage to cutting, to piecing and then to putting it all together and quilting it, it will be a lot of work, with many steps involved. At some point in that process most of us would get frustrated that it's taking 'so long' to finish. It's then that we might start dwelling on the enormous task ahead of us, which can cause anxiety. When in reality we should be celebrating what we have accomplished. Did you put 5 pinwheels together? Good for you! That's 5 less to have to make!

The way I see it there's 2 choices I can make:
1. Be anxious about what I have to do. I might say to myself "Why did I even think to make this quilt in this pinwheel pattern?" or "I just wasted $50 on fabric for this quilt that I will never be able to finish". These statements are negative thoughts and create self doubt in ourselves by questioning our plans and abilities. I am sure you will agree that these feelings are negative feelings.
2. Think about what I have accomplished. Did I get the fabric pressed and strips cut? That's two steps completed! Did I cut the fabric strips in to squares to make the pinwheels with? Yay, that's another step done! With each step I am getting closer and closer to finishing.

If the end result is to be victorious and finish the king size quilt, then shouldn't each step be a victory too? It's the steps that we have to celebrate, that keeps the positive feelings going, making us happier and probably more focused on finishing the quilt.

Sha :)

Safety

Do you ever feel scared, afraid or fearful? We all do from time to time, and those of us who suffer from anxiety feel it more often. We have been talking about ways to talk back to our negative feelings. When dealing with fear we might feel overwhelmed, which makes it even harder to handle. With this simple saying you can begin to talk back to your fear and make it less intense and more manageable.

Think about this:
Right here right now I am safe.

This is another one of those 'go to' sayings of mine. My anxiety is all about fear and learning to deal with fear is a major part of my recovery. It reminds me that even though I may feel afraid the chance of being in real danger at that moment is slim. Most of the fear we feel is perceived, meaning we spend much more time worrying about being in danger than time actually being in danger. And this is a good thing. It makes us more vigilant and aware of our surroundings. But when dealing with someone who is anxious, handling that fear is different. I have had to figure out a way to prove to myself that I am indeed safe.

Personally I have trouble driving. Highways scare me, in part because I may cause an accident and in part because others might cause an accident. I think lots of us feel that way. But my fear can result in a panic attack, which is not a good thing to have, especially while driving. If I think about it, moment by moment I can prove to myself that I am safe. Even if I have a close call (someone cutting me off or almost running into me), saying this can prove to myself that I am safe.

A few weeks ago I decided to go to a quilt show in the next city. It wasn't too far, on MapQuest it said 17.7 miles from my house to the place where the quilt show was being held. So off I went, knowing that this would be the furthest I had driven myself in about 4 years. Once I got on the highway I started to get nervous and those panicky feelings started. Before I knew it I was gripping the steering wheel very tightly and my heart was beating faster. I was looking in my rear view mirror all the time and when another car got too close I was very nervous. Then I remembered that "Right here, right now I am safe". Was I scared...you bet I was, but I was in my car safely driving to the quilt show. And when I got to my destination I was both relieved to be there and off the road, but also proud of myself for making the drive alone. It was a great feeling! Yes I was nervous about the drive home, but knowing that I had made it once showed me that I can make it again. Proving this to myself helps keep the panic attacks to a minimum, which is my goal.

Next time you feel afraid try using this tool to show yourself that
Right here right now, you are safe.
Sha :)



What gets you out of a bad mood?

This past weekend my house was full of kids and their friends. Even though I love having them around, that’s usually a lot of stimulation which makes me feel anxious. This happens every time the house is full (that’s one of the drawbacks of being an empty nester and being home alone during the day) I like my quiet time and get cranky if I don’t get it.

Knowing this, a few weeks ago I was thinking of what gets me out of that kind of mood. You know the kind...no matter what someone says or does it gets on your nerves. Then I remembered back to the therapy group I was in. I had made a playlist of my 'happy' songs and shared it with everyone in the group a copy. These songs ranged from show tunes (Put on a Happy Face) to oldies (Your the inspiration by Chicago, which was also our wedding song) to some modern music. The list was just like me, I like lots of different things and hate being pigeon holed. When I remembered that I immediately made a new Happy playlist and started playing it all the time. And before long I started feeling better. I was singing, and dancing around like a teenager again, plus added with sewing/quilting I was one happy camper.

So what I want you to think about is what makes you happy? What is the one thing that brings a smile to your face? It can be a song, a drawing, taking a hot bath, going for a walk or gardening, anything that makes you smile. Because when we smile it brightens our day.

And I would love to know what songs would be on your Happy playlist.

Sha :)

Ask what's going right in your life

Sometime in May was National Depression Week, depending on what web site you looked at it might have been the 1^st – 7^th or this past week. Either way, depression is an important topic to talk about.

Since I am not a mental health professional and am just sharing with you things that have helped me deal with my depression and anxiety, I am not going to go over the signs of depression. If you think you may be suffering from depression or anxiety, I encourage you to write a list of your feelings and thoughts and take them to your doctor to discuss it. I also get some good information from WebMd.  

Today’s topic:

Ask what is going right in your life.

It is human nature to dwell on the negative stuff instead of the positive stuff. I am a ‘fixer’ and want to fix all the negative stuff, big or small, my problems or someone else’s. If I don’t at least think about fixing a problem I start to feel helpless, which is not a good feeling to have. So I try to fix fix fix. This just reinforces what’s not going good in our lives. When we ask ourselves what’s going well for us, it reinforces the good stuff and brings it to the forefront of our minds, which is a great place to be. If you ask yourself the right questions it will lead to a happier day.

Here’s an exercise to get your started and prove that you have more good than bad in your life. Try this:

At least once a day take out a piece of paper and write what your problems are. Big or small it doesn’t matter; remember there’s no right or wrong answers. Then below that start to write what’s good in your life. It can be anything, having a job, feeling good physically, talking to an old or new friend, whatever you have that’s positive in your life. Don’t be shy; write every little thing you can think of. Now which part is bigger? When I do this I always have more on in the good part than bad.  It seems like a silly thing to do, but it’s all about teaching ourselves to think differently and to talk back to the depression. After a few days you will have taught yourself to think about your blessings differently. Those blessings, no matter how small they may seem, are what we should be thinking about more than the negative stuff. Once you train yourself to think this way you will be happier, which is what the goal is. And when you ask yourself what's right in your life the answers will come easier. This would be a great exercise to do in your journal if you have started journaling.

Let me know if you have tried this and if it has worked.

Sha J

Healing Letters

When I was going thru group therapy 4 years ago (wow has it been that long ago?) I was given quite a few tools to help me. This 'letter' was an assignment and one that I found very helpful and used several times in my healing process. This is a letter with prompts, you simply fill in the prompts.

The first step is deciding who or what you are writing to or about. The first one I wrote was to my son Eric who passed away when he was 1 week old. Right now I am a little upset that I can't find that specific Healing Letter, but I am sure it will turn up. I have also written one to each of my other children, my husband and even to depression. The letter outline can be found in the tab at the top that says Healing letter.

Remember that this letter is for you. There's no rules, just write what's in your heart. You don't even have to re-read it if you don't want to, however I think I always re-read these. You can also decide if you want to give the letter to who you wrote it to and you can share it with whomever you want to. When I was in therapy many of us shared them in class. I can still remember how silent it was when I read the letter to Eric and how many people were crying when I was done. As soon as I find the letter I will share it with you if you would like to see it. If not just tell me, my feelings will not be hurt, remember that this is about you and I am here to help you in any way I can. As always feel free to contact me with any questions of comments you might have. If I don't have your email, and if you are not a no-reply blogger, just leave me a comment that says to email you and I will send you my email so we can correspond that way.

Sha :)

The last word in HALT is Tired.

There are many ways we can be tired. We can be physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally tired or just plain sleepy.  The danger comes when we feel overwhelmed by life and can’t function productively anymore. This can put us and others at risk.

Think of tired as being empty, drained or at its very worst unable to feel. What would help you to not have these feelings? Seems to me that if you are empty you need to be filled up.  How do we fill up? The answer may surprise you.

I was told a few years ago that “you can’t give from empty” and it’s something that I truly believe in. Life is a series of give and take, as well as supporting others and receiving support from others. I find that if I ‘give’ of myself then I start to feel better about myself. Yesterday I wrote about a way to bring little bits of happiness to others, which in turn gives bits of happiness to ourselves. This is a way to ‘give’, to fill ourselves up. I know it seems weird that I am saying to give instead of take to get filled up, but in all reality you are taking by giving. It’s when we stop giving that we become empty.

Think of a time that someone was upset and wanted comfort. Did you help comfort them, perhaps even gave them advise? How did that make you feel? Did you feel good about helping them? I know that helping others, no matter what type of mood I am in always brightens my day. It's like what I wrote about yesterday, When I give someone even a little bit of happiness (which they get from my support) it brings me happiness. See I 'gave' of myself which made me feel good that I was able to help, which in turn 'filled' me up.

Heres another example:

I know that when my hubby comes home and I am in a bad mood that I feel more tired than before he came home. But if I great him nicely, no matter how stressful a day I have had, it makes both of us happy and more relaxed. See the pattern?

Hubby comes home from work à I great him with a scowl showing him the bad mood I am in à Makes me feel worse and puts him in a bad mood à still tired/empty

Or
Hubby comes home from work à I great him with a smile and happy greeting or even a hug and kiss à Gives him some happiness and makes me feel good about bringing him a bit of happiness à fills me up and I feel less tired/empty

It’s just like what I wrote about yesterday. Tired and Lonely can be worked on the same way. Isn’t that great? You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Tomorrow I will give you a tool to help you explore some of your feelings.

Sha J

HALT Day 3

The third letter of HALT stands for LONELY.

What does that mean and what makes us feel we are alone in the world. The definition of lonely is being without the companionship, isolated, solitary, in other words being alone.

When I start to fixate on feeling or being alone I like to get down to what the word really means. That's another way of talking back to your feelings. You can prove that you are not truly feeling that way and to train your brain to think of lonely differently. One way to look at being lonely is to feel alone.

Think of alone as being with yourself not by yourself.

When we are with ourselves we are keeping ourselves company as opposed to being alone, which can give you a desperate feeling of wanting companionship. Why do we feel that we have to have companionship all the time, or even most of the time? Why do we diminish the fact that being with ourselves is being with an awesome person? After all don't awesome people make others feel good? If that is true then why wouldn't we want to be with ourselves, since we are or about to become awesome? Plus I think you probably have more contact with others than you think.

For one you have contact with me either by reading this blog, tweeting with me or emailing with me, as many of you do. Then there's the casual contact we have with the outside world at stores, doctors offices, and other places like that. This is one way that I feel less alone:

Casual contact makes me happy. Remember "lets make today a great day no matter what!" that I wrote about? Well this takes that 1 step further and can "make someone else’s day good". What I do is:

I try to be pleasant and to wish those that I talk to a 'good day'. You should see how the people smile; it really can make a difference in someone’s day. And when I do that I feel good about being kind to someone, which is a positive feeling. It makes my day as well as theirs, after all who doesn't like being wished a good day?

I encourage you to try it, what do you have to lose? The next time you go to the store to get groceries, when the cashier hands you your credit card back say "Thank you, have a good day" and see what the reaction is that you get back. Unless the person you are chatting with is a complete grump they will probably say thank you/your welcome and possibly wish you a good day too. Now doesn't that feel good? You made someone happy for at least a moment and you made yourself feel good too! Plus when you smile, even a forced one can make you feel a bit better. Why not try that now. Just sit still and smile for 30 seconds, how do you feel? And being able to make someone else smile shows that you are really not by yourself at all. Can you see the cycle?

Say "Thank you, have a good (or great, wonderful, etc) day!" -----> This makes their day a little brighter -----> Then they say "you too" or "your welcome" or some other positive response -----> Which in turn makes your day a little brighter.

And when all these little bits of brightness to your day add up it makes for a bunch of good feelings. And this works even better when greeting someone. All too often we just brush aside these little bits of happiness that come our way, but I choose to take the well wishes they are sending my way to heart. Which in essence makes me feel less by myself and more with myself. Being with myself is being in control of things around me.

So next time you start to feel lonely try doing something proactive to turn that feeling around. That little bit of kindness you show another person will come back to you and that feeling of happiness will make you feel less by yourself and more with yourself. And since you are an awesome person being with yourself is pretty good.

And always remember to SMILE!

Sha :)

HALT Day 2

Today is about the second word of HALT

Angry:
Anger is a mask for fear. When we are afraid of something along with that fear we get angry because we can't handle what happened. I want you to really think about this one. When we are angry we can not feel gratitude. When we are angry do we feel thankful for the sunshine, do we feel thankful for the good things in our life? At that exact moment the answer is no. So when we feel that type of all consuming anger it is the time to HALT and really think about ways to deal with this. Here's an example of my recent experience:

As you may know my daughter was robbed at gun point 2 days ago. Not only did the robber make her and her friends get down on the ground he held a gun to her head 2 times! Boy was I scared/afraid for her when we got the call. But all I can remember feeling is anger that someone did that to my daughter! How dare he do that! What kind of a person he must be and what kind of parents he must have! These were just some of the thoughts I had besides thinking it could have been much worse, etc. Yes I was happy that she was physically fine, but that was hard to feel thru the anger. Yes I am grateful for my family, the life I have now, etc, but at that moment all that gratitude went out the window, all I felt was true anger and hatred for the person who did this.

What we have to do is find a way to talk back to that anger and tell it to go away! In effect we have to train ourselves to break down the anger and think about it differently. Once you can  confirm that you are angry think about the feelings you are having. Are you scared, annoyed, upset? Then you can self talk to yourself to see what really is wrong. The anger I felt made me have these thoughts:
fear, outrage, helplessness.
I was beyond scared for my daughter and her friends. Then I thought what is the worst thing that can happen now (after the robbery)? My daughter was safe, we stopped her credit card and we can fix everything else tomorrow (new lisence, bank acct, etc).

Yes I was totally outraged, but unless the police caught the guys there was nothing else I could do about it. Yes I wanted them punished, but that was out of my hands, afterall how was I going to find them? That took the pressure off of me to feel that emotion, afterall it was beyond my control. Just remember that you are in control of your feelings/emotions/actions.

And I felt so helpless to do anything about what had happened. I couldn't protect my daughter nor could I stop her from feeling what she was feeling. But what could I do? Thats the more important question. I could go to her as soon as possible, which we did do. I could help her get a new key for her car, bring her to the DMV for a new lisence, call the doctor for her and go to the bank with her. Plus I could give her all the TLC I could (or that she would allow).

I think the best way to deal with these feelings that anger creates is to talk back to it. I find it helpful to write this stuff in my journal or to sit down and really think it thru.

Try this:
1. Write what is making you angry (the action)
2. Write down the emotions you feel because of it
3. Talk back to the emotions, ask yourself an opposite questions for example: Instead of feeling sorry for yourself or someone else (in effect having a 'pity party') decide to be proactive and ask, "What can I really do to fix this?" Not "What I want to happen", but in reality what can I do.
4. Answer the question. Remember to be proactive, try to make things a little better.
5. Make a note of what you feel after you ask and answer the question from step 3. Do you feel a little less scared, do you feel more in control of the situation, does fixing the problem (or part of it) make dealing with the aftermath any better?

Tomorrow we will be talking about Lonely.
I'd love to know if this has helped youi turn anger around.

Sha :)

HALT

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

Do you ever feel hungry, angry, lonely or tired? I bet you do, we all do at one time or another. Over the next 4 days I will be exploring what these words mean.

Hungry:
This type of hunger is hunger/need for love, caring, concern, etc from others or hunger/need for positive feelings such as feeling love for yourself and others, feeling happiness and joy, feeling self confident, etc. When we don't have love, caring, concern, happiness, joy, self confidence, among other positive feelings in our life it's time to HALT and take a step back to see what’s really happening. I am not saying that you have to have all of these feelings at the same time, but 'the more the merrier' as the saying goes. Once you realize that you have to HALT coping mechanisms come into play.

One way that I cope with these feeling is to journal. All you need is a notebook and a pen and some time. I was hesitant to journal at first but once I started I found that the words just flowed onto the page and before I knew it I was filling up pages and pages. I encourage you to journal too. I almost always never read what I journal, but everyone is different. . I figure that I got the thoughts out and don't want to revisit them again. I do not feel guilty for what I journal, it’s my journal and not done for anyone else but myself. Also I always journal by writing not typing, when we type we tend to look the page over for grammar and spelling mistakes. I find this coping mechanism to be very beneficial and encourage you to try it.
Sha :)

What you think of me is none of my business

This saying is something that we all need to hear and say to ourselves.  I know we all have those times when we doubt ourselves or times that we think people are ‘talking’ about us, which may or may not actually be happening. Whether it’s happening or not our reactions are the same. Not knowing what others think about us can be just as hard to handle as knowing.  If we know what someone says and it make us feel bad, then we get upset or sad, and those are negative emotions. But if we don’t know and are just ‘imagining’ what they might say that can be even worse. Let’s think of a way to talk our way thru this…

You work really hard on a quilt and show it to Suzy very enthusiastically. 3 things can happen:

1. Suzy can say “I love that!” which will make you feel good
2. Suzy says “she really doesn’t like it” or something a little different like “Oh your corners are just not good”, both make you feel bad and start to make you ‘self doubt’ yourself (more on that in a later post).
3. Suzy says nothing, basically ignoring you.

As you can see #1 is the best outcome, who doesn’t want to feel good and get a compliment.

With #2 and #3 it’s a different story. Going back to the “I get to control me and no one else” post from a few days ago, we can use that as a stepping stone to feeling better. Yes Suzy hurt your feelings one way or the other and both ways make you feel bad and have some 'self doubt', among other emotions. Can you control Suzy or her thoughts and actions? If you are the only one who can control yourself, the same is true for Suzy. You also get to control how you react to #2 and #3, both internally and externally. 

Suzy says something bad about your quilt à

You think “oh no if Suzy doesn’t like it who will?” or “I didn’t do a good job, how stupid was I to even try”. Both of these are negative thoughts and make you feel bad. They are also mistakes (after all you showed the quilt which meant are happy with the quilt, which shows your negative thoughts are a mistake) à
Ask yourself for forgiveness for thinking things in #2 (since it was a mistake) = turning the bad thought/feeling around to a good thought/feeling

Do you see how this negates what Suzy thinks, which in essence says that it really doesn’t matter what she thinks? Internally you can understand that you cannot change what anyone thinks, although most of us dwell on the negative instead of the positive. It's time to turn that around! What you can do is think “it’s none of my business what Suzy thinks of me” and then think about how saying that makes you feel. Does it empower you? Remember you are in control of yourself and no one else! Why give Suzy any power over your feelings?

I know this saying has really has helped me a lot, especially when I was first diagnosed, I can’t count how many times I said or heard this. In all reality we can only strive to live life the happiest we can and do our best to deal with all the negative stuff. Learning some tools or sayings to help along the way will help tons. If you say this everyday about 10 times thruout the day you will begin to trust it. It doesn’t have to be out loud. It really is all about retraining our minds to think in a more positive way.

Sha :)

Blame ends with ME

B L A ME

I like seeing small words inside of big ones that connect to the meaning of a word or sentence. This is not an original idea, but it is a saying that has stuck with me.

When you blame someone you are using negative energy. Negative energy makes us not happy in that moment. Can you blame someone with just one thought or do you dwell on that thought and let it fester in your mind? What emotions do we feel when we blame someone? Mad or anger comes to mind right away. These are negative emotions, and do not help us be happy. Think about it this way:

Blame -----> negative thoughts and emotions -----> feeling unhappy ----->blaming them for you not feeling happy -----> negative thoughts and emotions -----> feeling unhappy

See how it's a cycle? And it's worse when we blame ourselves because then guilt and shame come into play (more on those later this week). A few days ago I wrote about giving yourself permission to make mistakes, do you see how it's all related? When you blame yourself you are dwelling on a mistake you made. Think about this:

Happiness and unhappiness cannot live in the same moment at the same time.

I come back to this truth all the time, it's one of the saying that I live with, one of my mission statements.

I'd love to hear what you think of this saying and what it means to you.

Sha :)

I get to control me and no one else

This takes what we talked about yesterday a little bit further. You control your actions and your thoughts, and only you do. No one can make you do or think something. If you are pressured into something by someone else you are still the one who made the decision to comply. Owning what we say, do and think is empowering, although at times it may feel like you had no choice, after all its easy to play the blame game and take the responsibility off ourselves. Blaming is a negative emotion and something that we should strive to not have, positive is the way to go! I assure you that you are the only one who did have a choice regarding your actions and thoughts. Whether you are making a statement, doing something or just thinking about something, you own it. Yes, what you say or do may be a mistake, that's when the forgiveness from yesterdays post comes into play. So can you see the pattern emerging?

Thought or action -----> no mistake = something that makes us feel good.
Thought or action -----> mistake -----> fixing the mistake and/or asking for forgiveness = something that makes us feel good

And feeling good is the name of the game!

Sha :)

GIve Yourself Permission To Make Mistakes

I make mistakes, a lot. Do you make mistakes? The answer is yes. We all make mistakes, that's how we learn. I choose to think of mistakes as opportunities to grow. Think about it, when you are piecing a quilt and make a mistake the chance of making that mistake again is pretty slim. The same goes for recipes; if you put too much salt in a dish or cook it for too long you learn from that. I remind myself of those mistakes by making a note on the pattern or recipe page. You might be thinking that doesn't apply to everything but it most likely does, even for the big things. And the great thing about mistakes is that almost all the time they can be fixed or humbly apologized for, even if that apology is to ourselves.

Many of us beat ourselves up for any little mistake that we make. We will apologize to others for our mistakes, but not to ourselves. The experts say that we need to love and respect ourselves first before we can love and respect others. If we give ourselves permission to make mistakes, apologize to ourselves for them and learn from them then we will not spend as much time 'self loathing' ourselves, which will lead to more time being happy with ourselves.

Let's Make Today a Great Day, No Matter What

Some days I will be giving you tidbits of things and saying that helped me , and some days I will will be giving you positive affirmations. I have some positive affirmations written and placed by my bed, desk, in my kitchen, etc. This one is taped to a door on my desk. Nothing fancy, just written in colored pencil in my own handwriting. I have made this one my mission statement for my life.

What this affirmation means to me:
This reminds me that I am in control of my feelings and am responsible for how my day/hour/minute/second is. The 'no matter what' part tells me that I can face anything and even though I may have some sad/bad/scary feelings during the day that all in all it will be more good than bad. Think about it; when we are having a bad day is it all bad? Realistically what % is bad? Most of the time you will find that its more good than bad. (I am not including days that we have big problems to face such as a death, divorce, illness, etc. I am talking about a regular old day.) There's nothing wrong with a good day, but I really don't know what the difference is between a good and a great day. At first I had 'good day' written instead of 'great day'. Then I realized that if I say great that I am making myself think more about having those good moments throughout the day and it made me even happier.
I'd love to know what this affirmation means to you.

The begining...

You might ask me why I started this blog? You might think that I would be embarrassed to tell the world about my illness. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am all about helping others and this is my way of helping those with mental illness. I hope that if you you suffer like I do that something you read here will help you and that if you are lucky enough not to suffer from this disease that you will learn more about this disease. There is a stigma about mental illness in this country that is unacceptable and not helpful at all.
Please note that I am not a professional and don't assume to be one. I just know what has worked for me and others who I have become friends with.

My journey began 4 years ago when I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and depression. I am not going to go into what led me to get 'sick'. What I am going to do is share with you things that I learned that helped me. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful support system including my hubby, kids, parents, friends and sisters. I also had a 'teacher/therapist' who changed my life. Many of the things I will blog about are what I call Scottisms, in other words things that I learned from the IOP (Intensive Out Patient) therapy. If you want to learn more of my personal story email me and I will share more with you.

Lesson #1
I can't get OVER it, I have to get THRU it.
This sentence spoke to me in a very strong way. How many times do people say to 'just get over it'? To me that meant that what ever 'it' was wasn't important and that it was something to be ignored. If you get thru 'it' you have accomplished something. Accomplishing something makes us feel good about ourselves, which when dealing with any mental illness is very important. Getting thru 'it' is something everyone should strive to do.